We love our houses. There's no question about that.
In my review of Chapter 1 of Sex And Real Estate, we looked at how we fall in love with houses and how this reality could not be ignored, either by buyer's agents or seller's agents. Both have a specific role to play in protecting their clients from the negative impact of the strong emotional connections we make with our houses.
Chapter 2 of Sex And Real Estate, The House As Mother, is not dealing with reality.
It is dealing with the ideal of "mother." The subtitle to chapter two reads, "The House Loves Us." Garber begins the chapter by detailing how "home" is like "mother", with a list:
- It loves you unconditionally
- It will take you "the way you are," without dress-up or pretense.
- It is comfortable, not challenging or threatening.
- It takes care of your basic needs: food, clothing, shelter.
- It makes you feel safe.
- It contains you.
- It nurtures you.
- It prepares you for the world "outside."
She is quick to point out that we may read these traits and say "not my mother." But the point of the chapter is just that point. It doesn't matter what the truth is. In fact, the further from the truth those statements are, the more powerful the fantasy becomes. It's about what we wish were true. We fantasize that our homes love us as much as we love them. We want it. We need it. To get it, we'll make it up if we have to. "There's no place like home." "Home is where the heart is." These are statements that speak to the concept of home as one of our universal core values.
Garber clearly explains that "woman" and "house" are tangible and that "mother" and "home" are ideals. The word woman is a physical description, just as the word house is a physical description. The word mother has more power, because it is tied to the abstract notion of what everything being a mother entails. The same is true of the word home. Home is also an idealistic concept. Need proof of how strong this connection is?
I was having a hard time trying to figure out how to encapsulate the overwhelming connection of home to the concept of mother. I was looking for an illustration and today it finally hit me. One of my favorite songs by The Commodores is "Brick House." You know the song.
"She's a brick----house. Mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out. She's a brick----house. The lady's stacked and that's a fact, ain't holding nothing back."
Now, sing it again in your head, only replace the word "house" with "home." Go ahead...
Yeah. "She's a brick house" makes me want to run across the dance floor and grab my wife. "She's a brick home" is just wrong. It makes me feel kind of icky all over.
It's a powerful and pervasive connection.
It's a subconscious connection, which makes it even more powerful. It can't be ignored. It plays a large role in why we fall in love with houses, but it has it's own wrinkles and twists. And as the real estate agent, understanding how to tap into that connection is essential. Garber concludes the chapter with this: "To buy a house is to come home to mother. No wonder the real estate market is complicated."
Remember, buying a home is not about information - the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, or square feet a home possesses. It's about relationship. As the seller's agent, how do you integrate the concept of "home" into your selling strategies? As the buyers agent, how do you keep it from being a distraction?
UP NEXT: Chapter 3, The House As Body - The House Is Us.
Jeff Turner aka respres
I remember from my sales days that any time the husband fell in love with the house without the wife there, the deal never went happenned. Wonder if there's a little of this in that.
Jeff, as always a good post. I am enjoying following along on your book review. Her list defines the basics and I see how she can draw the analogy. No question there are "relationships" formed between buyers and the properties they love.
I so agree with Sharon. In fact, I have secretly thought that the negative Realtor® stereotype can be traced back to the image of agents rambling on non stop as they walk from room to room saying 'ooooh isn't this a lovely kitchen'. So allowing a buyer to take everything in on their own and god forbid, collect their own thoughts about what they are seeing, is a much sounder idea.
I love your posts! This is so very true. I helped a couple for months. One evening I saw a new listing, $75,000 more than their range, not the best lot in a great neighborhood, problematic driveway, probably not worth sending to them but what the hell. I called the wife and discussed it with her. I told her I knew the price was out of range but wondered if she wanted to see it for a comparison.
We met at the home the next morning without the husband. She fell in love with the home. He took a long lunch to sign papers under a threat from her. There were things he didn't like as much but just like with a wife he had to love the home with all of it's quirks. His wife didn't give him a choice!
{SVW Hubba}
Maybe I am weird but, I see myself as the 'Mother' of my house :)
I could debate all of this because cashing in on a customers emotions to make a sale is just plain wrong. Mothers and Love can be tricky ya know :)
I still believe that all customers should put their emotions aside when it's time to buy a house. I also believe a woman should dominate her house (ROAR) not the other way around.
This probably doesn't make any sense to a lot of people. But, that's okay it's just my opinion. What the heck do I know? :)
"She's a brick hoooooooouse"... La La La La (Pretend I'm singing. It works better like that) SVW.
No wonder business & marketing majors have to take Psychology 101.
As always, well written blog, Jeff.
Sue
Sharon, I think every stager should read this book from cover to cover.
Teresa... I think your relationship with your old house will be covered in Chapter six, House As History.
TLW [SVW]... yes, we could debate this one. I definitely want my listing agent to make sure the emotional is highlighted. I want it staged to attract and that includes looking at how the staging impacts someone's ability to see themselves living and loving in the house. Not sure how that is "cashing in" on a customer's emotions. For me, it highlights the need for advocacy on both sides of the transaction. AND... I think you can try as hard as you want, emotions aren't ever going to be driven from the consumers home buying process. Not the consumers I know anyway. :)
All, I can't do justice to the literary devices she uses to illustrate her points. This is a book that has to be read in your own local context and in your own experience. The conclusions she draws are broad, but appropriate. How you apply the thinking is where the real value of the book comes into play.
Gotcha. SVW.
I knew you wouldn't like any of that :)
TLW...ROAR!
Wow- how very true, the emotional connection! I've owned one home, and two houses. I currently live in a house. The power of the connection is irrefutable- having looked at a home that I lost due to agent incompetence, my own strong reaction emotionally scared even me! It was a HOME, and I really didn't care (within reason) what the price was- it was mine. Having passed on a few houses, the reaction felt completely different with this one...just ask my signif. other, Sean- he hasn't heard the end of it, and it's a year later! He would now agree- if she wants it, better to bite the bullet and get it, than live life under the shadow of "the one that got away"...
I think a letter a letter written by the homeowner and displayed on the fridge where buyers will read it can help with the emotional side of reinforcement.
The letter should say what the homeowner liked most about living there and talk about how they enjoyed the features of the home.
On the other hand you can take a house and make it a home. I had a friend whose parents divorced. The natural mom was a white wall with a border on top decorator. A year later the dad remarried and stepmom moved in. Step mom was an awesome decorator, the house became a home over a few short months. I actually forgot how it was previously decorated, it felt like a whole new place.
Jeff,
Very insightful review of what sounds like a must read, but I will continue with your Cliff's notes.
I have observed our home as a Mother to my husband without realizing what I was seeing. He is a teacher of 35 5th graders. He calls our home his refuge, his "safe place" and his fortress; I can picture a small child running and hiding behind his mother's apron. I only wish we could get our home to write us a check when we get backed into a financial corner like I do for my children!
Thanks again for the great analogy.
Fran
Jeff, I'm glad you brought up the previous blog so I didn't have to come to this one without the knowledge of the other. I'm buying the book!
I agree, from what you have told about the book this should be required reading for stagers. I had just begun doing some research concerning the part emotion plays in any kind of advertising. Since so few homes are sold without an advertising package I think it is a good idea to understand the concepts involved.
another awesome blog...I just ordered the book. My plan is to read this book outside of my house for 2 reasons...
1) people are nosy, if I sit at a coffee shop reading this, someone's bound to notice and I can use it as a prop to prospect...
2) same as reason 1
Cheers,
Uzi Husain
Arizona Realtor, serving Goodyear & The Phoenix metropolitan area
The final installment is up: http://activerain.com/blogsview/119313/Sex-And-Real-Estate
This ole house once knew my children.
This ole house once knew my life.
This ole house was home and comfort
as we lived through storm and strife.
This ole house once rang with laughter.
This ole house heard many shouts.
Now she trembles in the darkness
when the lightning walks about.
Ain't a-gonna need this house no longer.
Ain't a-gonna need this house no more.
Ain't got time to fix the shingles.
Ain't got time to fix the floor.
Ain't got time to oil the hinges,
nor to mend the window panes.
Ain't a-gonna need this house no longer.
I'm a-gettin' ready to meet the saints.
written by Stuart Hamblen on a hunting trip
John In Benson
Part II of John In Benson comment
The complete story of "This Ole House" and full lyrics as follows:
According to Stuart Hamblen, his 1950's hit song, "This Ole House," was written because of a hunting trip!
Hamblen explained, "This Ole House" was written in the High Sierra Mountain range while I was on a hunting trip. It was a cold winter day and we found an old prospectors cabin. There was an old dog lying on the front porch but no smoke coming from the chimney. We went inside the cabin and found an old man dead in the back room. I wrote "This Ole House" that same afternoon." http://www.tcmradio.com/news/October/0ct15.htm
Here's full lyrics
This Ole House
Recorded by Stuart Hamblen 1954 - Number 2 on Country and Western charts
Recorded by Rosemary Clooney 1954 - Number 1 on Pop charts
Lyrics and music by Stuart Hamblen
C
This Ole House once knew my children
F
This Ole House once knew by wife
G7
This Ole House was home and comfort
C
As we fought the storms of life
C
This Ole House once rang with laughter
F
This Ole House heard many shouts
G7
Now she trembles in the darkness
C
when the lightning walks about
Chorus:
F
Ain't a-gonna need this house no longer
C
Ain't a-gonna need this house no more
G7
Ain't got time to fix the shingles
C
Ain't got time to fix the floor
F
Ain't got time to oil the hinges
C
Nor to mend no window panes
G7
Ain't a-gonna need this house no longer
C
I'm a-gettin' ready to meet the Saints
This Ole House is a-gettin' shaky
This Ole House is a-gettin' old
This Ole House lets in the rain
This Ole House lets in the cold
Oh my kneew are are a-gettin' chilly
But I feel no fear nor pain
'Cause I see an angel peekin'
Through a broken window pane
Repeat chorus
Now This Ole House is afraid of thunder
This Ole House is afraid of storms
This Ole House just groans and trembles
When the night wind flings its arms
This Ole House is a-gettin' feeble
This Ole House is a-needin' paint
Just like me it's tuckered out
But I'm a-gettin' ready to meet the Saints
Repeat chorus
Now my old hound dog lies a-sleepin'
He don't know I'm gonna leave
Else he'd wake up by the fireplace
and he'd sit there and howl and grieve
But my huntin' days are over
Ain't gonna hunt the coon no more
Gabriel done brought in my chariot
when the wind blew down the door
Repeat chorus
http://www.cowboylyrics.com/tabs/misc/this-ole-house-3270.html
Hope this confirms man's connection to homes.