Turner's Perspective

As I type this post, my eyes are still swollen. I'm beginning to dread each time my wife asks me to come watch an Oprah episode with her. I know it means something in my life is about to change.

Five years ago was the first time.

My wife had recorded Oprah's Christmas special in South Africa. It was her first visit there and she took her camera crew with her. After watching the special, my wife turned to me and said, "we're going to adopt." I remember the day as if it were yesterday. And today, along with our four boys, we have two beautiful little girls from Guatemala who now cheer "daddy!" each time I walk into the room. It's nothing short of miraculous.

Last year, it was another Oprah show episode that introduced my wife to Kids Haven.

Kids Haven is an education program founded in 1992 to work with street children in South Africa. It became the inspiration for her blog at Muthahood.com and the compelled her to dedicate her free time toward raising funds to assist them with their mission.

Less than 10 days ago, she called me out of my office and said, Jeff, you have to watch this with me."

Here we go again. This time it was an episode she had recorded about child slavery in Ghana. As I watched, I allowed myself to do something I had not allowed myself to do before. I went to my "dark place," as my wife calls it. I put the face and innocence of my four year old son in the story of a boy, sold by his severely impoverished parents to fisherman who claimed they would give him a better life. What they had actually done, was sell him into slavery. Lisa Ling reported from Ghana, "Many of these child slaves—some as young as 4 years old—endure severe beatings, and their work is so back-breaking that their bodies are severely overdeveloped for their young age." 

I got up from our "cozy chair" and headed straight to my office. I didn't tell my wife what I was about to do, but later, when I emerged from my office, StopChildSlavery.com was born. I don't have a clue where it's headed, but I can't stop thinking about the issue, reading about the issue, learning about the organizations dedicated to helping and wondering how I, personally, can help stop child trafficking. 

I blame Oprah. It's all her fault.

Tonight, we sat together and watched Building A Dream: The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy. I'll admit freely that I cry easily. Tonight I choked back the tears from the first few minutes till the end. It was inspiring and humbling. The young women who were chosen to attend her academy were all from grave life situations. They were poorer than poor, had lost parents to murder and HIV and lived in constant fear of rape and abuse each day. Yet each girl was filled with such amazing energy. Their joyous spirit came pouring out of the TV screen and into my family room. I felt a true sense of hope. I was inspired.

I sit here now, in the afterglow of inspiration, wondering how I get the concepts behind RainForChange off of the drawing board and into reality. The idea sprang from a look at world poverty. Quickly comments on that original post spoke to the real cure for poverty lying in education. Oprah obviously came to the same realization and took action. I believe her school in South Africa will make a difference.

And I know the members of this Internet community have the skills required to make a difference as well... if we take action. How can we inspire each other, as Oprah inspires me, to dedicate a bit of our time to creating awareness and a community curriculum focused on affordable housing and economic education? How do we "break poverty's hold on humanity... one homeowner at a time?" (Thank you for that wording, Steve Dalton)

Building Our Own Dream

We need to outfit an army of real estate professionals with tools that can help them go into their communities to educate children about credit, savings and wealth building. We need to motivate them to take action in their local communities to improve affordable housing initiatives. I'm not interested in just talking about it. I'm beginning to believe this may be better addressed with a highly focused group inside of AR instead of a separate website? This might make it simpler for more people to get involved and have a place to post their ideas.

I'd appreciate your thoughts... 

I'm a google addict and a Windows hater, so what I'm about to share with you is hard for me to remember to do. I google everything, but I'm going to take a break for a bit and search somewhere else.    

Until March 31, 2007, if you perform your web searches at this Windows Live Search site, each time you do Microsoft will contribute to NineMillion.org.

I found this while doing research for a new blog I am dedicating part of each day to -  Stop Child Slavery.  NineMillion.org is "a UN Refugee Agency led campaign to raise awareness and funds for education and sport programs for the nine million refugee youth around the world, many of whom are forced to spend years of their young lives away from home with little hope of returning."

I doubt it's ever been easier to help a cause like this.

That is, unless you're a hard core google person like me. I bookmarked this a few days ago, but I kept forgetting to use it. Old habits die hard. That's why I finally set my startup page to the Click4TheCuase Live Search site. I'm going to start all of my searches there until March 31. If I don't find what I want, I'll go to google and see what pops up, but the extra moment required to start the search process on live.com won't kill me. 

Strong relationships can be built on the Internet. 

Almost three years ago I met a man named Neal Baldwin from RE/MAX Action Associates in Exton, PA. He stopped by our booth at the NAR Mid-Year in Washington, D.C. In truth, I don't remember talking to him that day. I spoke to hundreds of people in the course of the show. If you've ever worked a booth at a trade show, you know that one day blurs into the next and so do the faces of the people you meet. I can't be sure I would have recognized him even the next day. 

When I returned to Los Angeles, Neal emailed me. I vaguely remembered our conversation, but he commented that he had stopped by the booth, liked what he saw and wanted to tell me he thought we had made his whole trip worth the time and expense. He became a client. Over time, so did most of the agents in his office. But most importantly, this "stranger" became a friend. 

In years since, Neal and I have been in communication via email. Internet friendships are just like other friendships; to sustain them you have to be willing to put in the work. And we did. We've had a few phone conversations, but literally hundreds of emails. So, when Chase asked me to fly to Philadelphia and speak to two other RE/MAX offices in the Exton area, I naturally wanted to finally, formally meet Neal Baldwin and spend some time with him.

He agreed to pick up Rochell Heininger and I at the Hotel and take us to dinner. He arranged everything. He chose The Kimberton Inn in Kimberton, PA, a restaurant set in a building that dates back to the 1700's. It was fitting setting, an old world counterpoint to the modern way our friendship had developed. The food and the atmosphere made for the perfect environment to get to know each other face-to-face. And Rochell got to witness two people - people who had never spent a single moment of social time together - chat like old friends. Because we really are.

The fact that we had never socialized in the traditional understanding of the term is irrelevant.

Neal's behavior was not one of client toward a vendor. It was not the behavior of a kind stranger. It was the behavior of a friend. He refused to allow me to pay for dinner. Clients rarely do that. He said, "Hey, you're visiting me. When I get out to Los Angeles, I'm sure you'll do the same." He's right. And I truly hope I get the chance.

What happened after dinner illustrates just how powerful Internet relationships can be.

I forgot the power cord to my laptop. (Yes, I know how stupid that is!) That's not a small problem. It's impossible to do presentations from your computer if you're battery runs out of juice. To complicate things, my laptop is an Apple Powerbook, so if I wanted a power cord I had to find an Apple Store. The closest one was in King Of Prussia, 30 minutes away from the restaurant. Neal could easily have said, "Jeff, I 'm sorry, but there's no way we'll make it to King Of Prussia in time." He didn't say that. Neal willingly ended the meal early so we could race from Kimberton to the Apple Store before it closed at 9:30 PM. Along the way, he dodged roaming deer, pointed out the historic buildings, talked about the history of the area, and made me feel completely at ease. It's just what a good friend would do. We made it with just a minute to spare. (I can't even describe how amazing the Apple Store folks were. The paperwork was waiting for me when I ran in, out of breath.)

I have always felt my Internet friendships  were real.  I have always thought that these strangers weren't really strangers at all. Dinner with Neal solidified that belief. 

I know some of you reading this have similar stories you could share. I hope you do.  

EDIT: I am happy to report that Neal has now joined ActiveRain! Please join me in welcoming him.

We love our houses. There's no question about that. 

In my review of Chapter 1 of Sex And Real Estate, we looked at how we fall in love with houses and how this reality could not be ignored, either by buyer's agents or seller's agents. Both have a specific role to play in protecting their clients from the negative impact of the strong emotional connections we make with our houses. 

Chapter 2 of Sex And Real Estate, The House As Mother, is not dealing with reality.  

It is dealing with the ideal of "mother." The subtitle to chapter two reads, "The House Loves Us." Garber begins the chapter by detailing how "home" is like "mother", with a list:

• It loves you unconditionally
• It will take you "the way you are," without dress-up or pretense.
• It is comfortable, not challenging or threatening.
• It takes care of your basic needs: food, clothing, shelter.
• It makes you feel safe.
• It contains you.
• It nurtures you.
• It prepares you for the world "outside." 

She is quick to point out that we may read these traits and say "not my mother." But the point of the chapter is just that point. It doesn't matter what the truth is. In fact, the further from the truth those statements are, the more powerful the fantasy becomes. It's about what we wish were true. We fantasize that our homes love us as much as we love them. We want it. We need it. To get it, we'll make it up if we have to. "There's no place like home." "Home is where the heart is." These are statements that speak to the concept of home as one of our universal core values.

Garber clearly explains  that "woman" and "house" are tangible and that "mother" and "home" are ideals. The word woman is a physical description, just as the word house is a physical description. The word mother has more power, because it is tied to the abstract notion of what everything being a mother entails. The same is true of the word home. Home is also an idealistic concept. Need proof of how strong this connection is? 

I was having a hard time trying to figure out how to encapsulate the overwhelming connection of home to the concept of mother. I was looking for an illustration and today it finally hit me. One of my favorite songs by The Commodores is "Brick House." You know the song. 

"She's a brick----house. Mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out. She's a brick----house. The lady's stacked and that's a fact, ain't holding nothing back."

Now, sing it again in your head, only replace the word "house" with "home." Go ahead... 

Yeah. "She's a brick house" makes me want to run across the dance floor and grab my wife. "She's a brick home" is just wrong. It makes me feel kind of icky all over.

It's a powerful and pervasive connection.

It's a subconscious connection, which makes it even more powerful. It can't be ignored. It plays a large role in why we fall in love with houses, but it has it's own wrinkles and twists. And as the real estate agent, understanding how to tap into that connection is essential. Garber concludes the chapter with this: "To buy a house is to come home to mother. No wonder the real estate market is complicated."

Remember, buying a home is not about information - the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, or square feet a home possesses. It's about relationship. As the seller's agent, how do you integrate the concept of "home" into your selling strategies? As the buyers agent, how do you keep it from being a distraction? 

UP NEXT: Chapter 3, The House As Body - The House Is Us. 

I am not interested in discussing politics right now and I'm not endorsing John McCain for President. (Sound Familiar?)

John McCain launched his Presidential campaign website this weekend. The design of the site is fabulous. At first glance it appears to be very similar to Barack Obama's seminal site. There is a blog. There are some well done, very high quality videos. There is "McCainSpace," which is an obvious play on MySpace and appears to be the beginnings of a vertical social networking site. But the similarities stop at the visuals.

As I did on Barack Obama's site, I signed up for a McCainSpace account.

On my.barackobama.com I was able to sign up for a blog account and post within seconds. Here was my first test post. On McCainSpace, this was not so simple. The sign up process is a three step process - the last step being email verification. I filled out a form that included more personal information than I would have to give on any other blog platform, including address, city, state and zipcode. When I tried to activate the page, I was presented with an error message. I've been trying to get it approved for the past 30 minutes, but with no luck.

It does not appear that this is ready for prime time. They may have been in a hurry to get something out in response to Obama. When I'm able to get my McCainSpace site verified, I'll post a link to my first attempt here in the comments.

Further evidence that this may have been hastily thrown together can be seen when you click on the John McCain's Blog link. There isn't actually a blog there yet. It gives some great instructions on how to create your own blog, and a message that McCain's blog will be coming soon, but no actual blog. It also talks about joining the "Virtual Town Hall Via YouTube." Again, on first glance, I was excited. But I then found that only a few McCain hand selected videos would be presented to the public.

Also, one of the things that was brilliant about Obama's site was how his video section was set up. Each video has controls to allow you to get the "embed code" to put that video on your own site. [see the graphic to the right] McCain's site does not allow you to share his videos, email direct links to the videos or embed the videos into your own site. It's very difficult to mount a viral campaign if you don't allow information to be easily shared.

Overall, the impression I was left with from McCain's site, as it stands now, is that I was being spoken to, not spoken with. It was like looking at a well designed, but static, real estate website, as compared to reading a well done real estate blog. JohnMcCain.com has the appearance of Web 2.0, but is clearly a work in progress. He has a good deal of work to do before his site will have that "power of you" feel.

This blog post is about the ever growing power of the concept of YOU.

And this post is about recognizing a moment.

I am not interested in discussing politics right now and I'm not endorsing Barack Obama for President.

What I AM doing is endorsing an exceptionally well conceived viral marketing campaign. I'm giving a brief ovation to an idea that is brilliant on it's face. I'm cheering an important moment on the Internet. It has nothing to do with politics. I've been registered as a republican since I was 18 years old. So if someone on the Republican side had done this, I'd be standing up and applauding them as well.

What Obama has done is construct a social networking site based entirely around his campaign. 

He has enlisted easy to use technology - internet videos, blogs, event planners, fundraising widgets - to build a constituency and to make garnering their support remarkably simple. He has made his campaign videos easy to share, download and embed into other websites. He's enabling viral marketing iike no other politician. In less than 48 hours there are already 1422 local and 1018 national groups in the network. In one fell swoop, he has both given his supporters their own voice and provided a platform from which they can use that voice.

And he's not just leaning on his own site. He's doing what anyone who understands how the Internet works would do. He's using other social networks to whip the long tail as hard as he can. I've been unable to verify this information, but according to one source he has over 1,000,000 friends on Facebook, and is ahead of Hillary Clinton and John Edwards on MySpace. 

Carole Cohen quoted a comment in The Washington Post a few weeks ago, talking about Hillary Clinton: "Go to 'blog' on her website. It's nothing more than a standard feedback form." The actual blog hasn't been launched yet and the headline still says, "Write Our First Guest Blog Post." The difference is stark and overwhelming.

Political leanings aside, you have to admire the brilliance of what Barak Obama has done.  The blogosphere is buzzing.  One blogger has labeled this new social networking site "Web 2.Obama." Catchy.

I believe, regardless of whether he succeeds or falls flat on his face, we are all witness to a seminal moment in political history. Traditional media would be advised to watch this one closely. The impact of this experiment is sure to extend far beyond the political arena in which it's being conducted. 

And I bet we'll all learn a thing or two as well.  

"Anyone who doubts the possibility of falling in love with a house - with all that implies of fast-beating heart, sweaty palms, and waiting for the phone to ring - just hasn't met the right one yet."

This is how Marjorie Garber starts chapter one of her book, Sex And Real Estate: The House As Beloved - Falling In Love With A House.

It's been almost a month since I first found out about this book, and my delay in reading it and writing about it has nothing to do with the book itself. In fact, the Introduction she writes to this book is worth the price of the book. There is more meat in the pages she used to lay out the foundation for her topic than is contained in the entire contents of other texts. You could buy this book, read just the introduction, and instantly have a more accurate and rounded understanding of the psychology of "home." But you'd be making a mistake.

The Beauty Of Her Writing

I'll talk about the lessons to be learned in a minute, but first I want to address the beauty of her writing. In this first chapter she uses cultural references that bring her points to life. She uses the study of the conversations in novels and feature films to punctuate her declarations and illustrate the humanizing aspects of the language we use to describe houses. This language, common in these art forms, brings to life the reality of house as lover. In this first chapter she uses references to:

• Living Together: Independence Day
• Love at first sight: Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, The Money Pit
• Misplaced Love: Pride And Prejudice
• The house as spouse: Housesitter
• When love goes wrong: The War Of The Roses
  

Living Together

Garber rightly points out that, "Realtors and house agents often find themselves functioning as therapists, psychologists, and marriage counselors." The process of searching for a house brings forth questions similar to those we ask before we truly commit in a relationship. " Is this where I want to spend the rest of my life? Is this who I want to spend it with?" The answers can be both positive and negative.

Understanding that questioning is an important part of understanding the buyer side of the equation. The questions that the buying process bring to bear in their personal lives can be monumental. This is one of the reasons why buying a house is such a stressful experience. The questions the process forces us to ask can be more than we're ready to answer.

Love At First Sight

I'm going to spend the rest of my time on this segment of the chapter. it is the largest segment. The others are very well done, but love at first sight is the dominant force that drives the other points in this chapter.

On a personal note, I've experienced both the exhilarating side and painful side of falling in love at first sight. I have fallen in love with more women than I care to admit. Each time it has been powerful and overwhelming. But only once has it endured. The power is no less concrete in the real estate transaction. As a real estate agent, you have a responsibility to your seller to maximize the dominance of this emotion in the way you present homes.  And on the buyer side, you have a responsibility to protect them from it's dangers.

Protecting Buyers From Their Emotions 

• "Sometimes a buyer is infatuated with a house even before he walks through the threshold," reports a real estate columnist, who hastens to reassure her readers that "there's nothing inherently wrong with feeling passion for a particular property." More than 50 percent of all buyers experience such overwhelming desire, according to an expert in the field."
• "I've seen people fall in love with a home that wasn't right for them," says the former president of the National Association of REALTORS®. 
• "If you bond emotionally to a property, you're in danger of making a blunder from which you cannot recover," cautions a broker for a national chain.
  

It seems to me that one of the key benefits a buyer's agent can bring to the table is the wisdom of an objective third party perspective. They are there to protect the "suitor" from what Freud called, "the overestimation of the object." Like a good friend who warns you to take your time with a torrid new relationship, a good buyer's agent becomes the voice of reason, the best friend who's not afraid to tell you the truth about your new girlfriend. 

But "as painful as love can be, lack of emotion can be a sign that there is something wrong with you." Buyers agents should also learn to recognize when it may NOT be the houses that are the problem, but the client themselves. If, after a long search, the client still can't find a house to fall in love with, there may be other issues getting in the way.

Using Emotions To The Benefit Of Your Sellers

If you're selling my home, I want you to make sure you do everything in your power to make as many people as possible fall in love with my home. I understand that there may be dangers on the buyer side, but that's why they have their own representative. I want you to flirt with the buyer, lure them in. I want you to stage my property (put on nice makeup). I want you to make sure lots of people see it (take it to the dance). And I want you to use evocative language to describe it (make sure everyone at the dance get's more than just information, I want fanfare). "As one buyer confessed, 'The reality is you fall in love with it (the property) first, then figure it (the price) out later."

"Hit the prospect at every emotional level," counsels Ruth Simon in Forbes Magazine. Why? Because buying a home is not about information - the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, or square feet a home possesses. It's about relationship. We want to fall in love with the house. We need to fall in love with the house. This chapter illustrates the many reasons why.

Next up, Chapter Two: The House As Mother - The House Loves Us

I don't know who Mike Thoman is, but he left this comment on Michael Cooks post at BloodhoundBlog.

"Of course, none of this discussion takes into account the huge expenses increas taken on by the broker/owners of real estate firms in the last 30 years."

Can someone explain this to me?

I know for a fact that advances in technology over the last 30 years should make it LESS expensive to run a business that is driven by information. My own current business is almost completely virtual. Technology makes that possible. So, why is this not true in real estate?

Inquiring minds want to know. 

I had a very enjoyable email conversation with an ActiveRain  member yesterday.

I had mentioned that I was noticing an unwilingness to engage in a true exchange of ideas. Some are, of course, but many appear to fear idea exploration that takes them out of their comfort zone, or ideas that they assume will only lead them in a direction that might harm their current understanding or reality. 

It's common for people to get defensive around an idea. 

I said some things in the email and the response was, "Listen, why don't you take everything you just said to me and write a post about it?"

I thought, "hmmm... that's a good idea."

SO I DID. You may find it here.